ホテルノー(HOTEL NO)

My 7 year old and I stayed for a Mummy daughter surprise this week and I'm speechless! I was nervous reading negative reviews and we usually stay at Crown hotels so wasn't sure if I had made the right choice. From before our stay with the wonderful Tara offering to have a kids tent set up to surprise my daughter, to the fun little emails leading up, I was getting excited. On the day the car park attendant was so lovely and welcoming as were the Cafe staff. Once we got in I actually couldn't work out which one ours was but saw the kids tent set up through the window. Opening the door to our airstreamer we were blown away! The pink was so cool, the kids set up was beautiful and everything was such high quality. Sheridan towels, amazing sheets and the coolest free mini bar! Even got a lovely hand written note and a bottle of Yarra Valley Rose to toast the Matildas that night. It was so so clean inside and regarding some of the reviews, surely people realise that they are 50+ year old airstreamers and on a CBD rooftop, the windows etc can't be immaculate but it adds to the charm The rooftop had fun games that my daughter loved and the breakfast box from downstairs was absolutely amazing. I honestly can't rave about our experience enough and my daughter has begged for us to stay again, but next time to upgrade to the airstreamer with benefits. Thanks for giving us the most magical, unique Melbourne experience. Don't be fooled by Hotel No, it's not a hotel, it's actually more special! So many extras included for a great price!

The instructions for keys and car retrieval was not very clear and we got very frustrated. A key box at the top of the stairs , a key box in the car park. A little testy .

Coolest staycation one can do in Melbourne. What an idea putting airstreams on a roof top. Top 😀 The whole experience is fun. How to get in, free parking, free mini bar, the set up of the area, decoration and the shower. Yes what a great shower. Many hotels don’t have such good shower. Absolute worth doing it. We loved every second.

I have read so many reviews on this experience and I was shocked to see so many negative! We booked online as is the only way to book and then I called the next day to see if it was ok for 2 cars to park….not a problem at all…midweek no charge! Hotel No make it quite clear this is an experience, it’s about discovery and it was soooo much just working out how to get in! Once we stepped out to the vans it was clean, fun and quite private even though the communal area is in the middle, we only saw 2 other guests and I believe they were sold out! Inside our airstream I was again blown away it was spotlessly clean, airy and much bigger than I thought. The little things…mini bar that you can add to….the size of the bathroom and the shower…..it was heaven! This is not for anyone wanting a 5 star hotel but for people who want an experience and something a bit different…highly recommended.

After booking my parents in for their 50th wedding anniversary - they were excited to see a spa photographed on the Facebook page and assumed this would be useable for all guests.. during their stay they found the spa empty and were told it was only for “certain” guests and that they should have looked up the inclusions for their room on the website prior to their surprise wedding anniversary stay! Pathetic experience. Not worth the huge cost. Rude staff. Being nice is free guys!

Having originally met in the early 80’s whilst working summer jobs in a country holiday caravan park, Notel seemed the perfect venue to celebrate our 40th wedding anniversary. Like us it was a little quirky and, with no shared aircon or other amenities, it felt a much safer alternative to a conventional hotel in these Covid times. And in every respect what a perfect choice it proved to be. Tara ensured smooth admission and was so lovely with our queries. Being in such a central location, we were really surprised by how quiet the space was and had a great sleep. (Linen was fabulous- thank you for the brand name Tara- I’m on the hunt for it!) Would recommend without hesitation to those who prefer ‘the road less travelled’!

The NO in their name tells you all you need to know. Horrible customer service, have been excited to come here for years and has turned out to be one of the worst hotel experiences. Melbourne has some wonderful hotels with amazing staff, book one of those instead.

When you’re paying $450 a night there’s a minimum expectation of nice clean white sheets, a clean mould free space and a sense of privacy. Notel offers none of this. We came here with the understanding that you pay for the novelty of staying in a unique caravan, in the centre of the Melbourne CBD so the price point we thought high, but fair enough if it was clean and easy. It was not clean and easy. The novelty of an Airstream stay wore off as soon as we stepped into the space. The best way to sum up the feeling is like walking into a Californian roadside scummy motel, where a musty damp smell and broken, damaged components make you feel as though you shouldn’t touch anything for fear of contracting something. We have an airstream back in NZ so we understand the quirks and the difficulty with maintaining these beautiful things- the Notel pays little attention to this so the damp and mould has set in pretty quick. It doesn’t help that there’s no where to hang the bath mat or other wet towels… We’ve added images of the broken walls, curtains that don’t work and are broken, crappy Kmart “ammenities”, patched over sheets, grungy dirty floors and black mould on the bathroom walls. The lowdown: This place could be amazing. It has real potential for a unique and special experience that’s been let down by a lack of maintenance and the shiny-fake expectations set by their Instagram posts.

This place is kooky. Get an instagram shot and then leave. Check in was a shambles. You are a supposed to be able to unlock the door with your phone. Instructions are suboptimal. Had to call someone to help me in as there’s no one on site. I ran into another guest who had similar problems and they ended up getting a key! So much for streamlined. Apparently there’s free parking but if you stay on a Saturday night, there’s an extra fee if you want to enter before 3pm which is check in. This is a joke given there’s already a price surge for a Saturday night. The windows of the airstream look like they’ve never been cleaned. Dirt and grime were caked on the sills. The airstream is COLD. And I suspect in summer it is unbearably hot. Apparently there is reverse cycle air conditioning. I was told the airstream would become “toasty” so not to crank up the heating. I ended up having to open the vents to see why it was so cold. The air conditioner itself is tilted on the ground so whatever hot air was coming out just warned the floor and nothing was coming out into the airstream itself. And yes I cranked it up to 30 degrees the entire night and it was still freezing. And it’s not even Winter. Don’t stay here. It’s a $499 photo and that’s it.